my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
