Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
