When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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