There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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