I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
