i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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