Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
