Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
