I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
