will power is for people who don't want to get laid
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
