I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
