i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
