I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
