Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
