i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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