your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
