I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize