you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize