was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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