I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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