he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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