Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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