I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
