Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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