he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
