as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
where are my eyebrows?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
