why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
