After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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