No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She made me pour olive oil on her.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize