he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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