So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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