Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize