not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
