I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We left the knife in your bed.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
