My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
