I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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