hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
