youre lurking in front of me
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
