haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
