Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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