Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
