He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
