Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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