Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
