who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
