I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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