You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
