Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
