i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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