I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
