Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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