Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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