When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
