I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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