if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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