Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
