Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
