Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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