Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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