Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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