i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
