I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is Oprah even human
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
