Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
