dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
