we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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