Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
